Friends are Friends Forever
Melissa:
I have always tried to be a friend who listened to others and be understanding and compassionate. I have never wanted to downplay anyone else's story by saying "Oh when I did that" or "That's nice but I.....". I need to share a story with you that I hope will help you and what you are going through with Nicole moving away.
In 2006 when David and Lori moved to Texas - I truly thought that I would die of a broken heart. I know that you have heard parts of my feelings when they left but I want to share the rest.
Knowing for weeks before that they were leaving gave us time to do things together and as a family that we needed to get done. If you remember, they moved in the middle of your dad having cancer the first time. I just couldn't see God's plan in that but I trusted in Him anyway. I remember the night before they left, our church did a special going away service for them. We hadn't been at church for a while because of your dad but Lori begged me to go to be with her so the girls and I went. I'm really not sure why I let her talk be into going because all I did was cry the entire service. Well, maybe that's why I went. I remember David picked the song "The Solid Rock" to sing as a congregational song. Several years before, Julie and Abby had sang that song at music camp as a solo and duet. When the music started they locked arms around each other and threw their heads back and sang that song with every emotion their little nine year old hearts could express. I will never ever forget that. There was a celebration get together after church so everyone could say good bye and I remember Mary and Alyssa standing in the middle of the room crying and hugging. It was almost more than I could stand. When it was time to go, Kaitlin and Julie couldn't leave them. They stayed with them until the very last person left and then they all went back to their house on El Alba to say good bye. And then.....I had to say good bye to Lori. I didn't know that caring about someone, ok loving someone, could hurt so much. I remember hugging both she and David KNOWING that we were going to see them at Christmas but that didn't seem to matter. I was hurting. I was loosing my best friend. My partner in crime. My accountability partner. My sister.
The next day they left. Kaitlin and I sat in the office and listened to Maranatha songs that David used to lead us in singing and cried and cried and cried. I cried until I didn't' think I had any energy left to move. My heart actually HURT it was so painful. But you know what......the next day it was a little easier. The next day it was every a little less painful. Phone calls became precious - not every day anymore but frequent. Times are different now with skype and free long distance and face chat....well you get the idea. She is just an electronic device away. I still miss them even tho now, they are just two hours away not two days. I miss the every day togetherness. I miss the girls being in and out of each others houses. I miss Friday nights.
I am sharing this so that you know it's OK to cry. It's ok to say you miss her. It's ok to think "I'm going to run over to Nicole's" and then reality kicks in. It's ok. It's ok to grieve the loss.
The song I included in this blog has been used in the past years in many church gatherings for various things. It seems the most popular has become funerals but Michael W. Smith wrote that for a friend who was moving away. It seems appropriate for this situation because a friend is a friend forever
Friends - Michael W. Smith (click me)
I have always tried to be a friend who listened to others and be understanding and compassionate. I have never wanted to downplay anyone else's story by saying "Oh when I did that" or "That's nice but I.....". I need to share a story with you that I hope will help you and what you are going through with Nicole moving away.
Knowing for weeks before that they were leaving gave us time to do things together and as a family that we needed to get done. If you remember, they moved in the middle of your dad having cancer the first time. I just couldn't see God's plan in that but I trusted in Him anyway. I remember the night before they left, our church did a special going away service for them. We hadn't been at church for a while because of your dad but Lori begged me to go to be with her so the girls and I went. I'm really not sure why I let her talk be into going because all I did was cry the entire service. Well, maybe that's why I went. I remember David picked the song "The Solid Rock" to sing as a congregational song. Several years before, Julie and Abby had sang that song at music camp as a solo and duet. When the music started they locked arms around each other and threw their heads back and sang that song with every emotion their little nine year old hearts could express. I will never ever forget that. There was a celebration get together after church so everyone could say good bye and I remember Mary and Alyssa standing in the middle of the room crying and hugging. It was almost more than I could stand. When it was time to go, Kaitlin and Julie couldn't leave them. They stayed with them until the very last person left and then they all went back to their house on El Alba to say good bye. And then.....I had to say good bye to Lori. I didn't know that caring about someone, ok loving someone, could hurt so much. I remember hugging both she and David KNOWING that we were going to see them at Christmas but that didn't seem to matter. I was hurting. I was loosing my best friend. My partner in crime. My accountability partner. My sister.
The next day they left. Kaitlin and I sat in the office and listened to Maranatha songs that David used to lead us in singing and cried and cried and cried. I cried until I didn't' think I had any energy left to move. My heart actually HURT it was so painful. But you know what......the next day it was a little easier. The next day it was every a little less painful. Phone calls became precious - not every day anymore but frequent. Times are different now with skype and free long distance and face chat....well you get the idea. She is just an electronic device away. I still miss them even tho now, they are just two hours away not two days. I miss the every day togetherness. I miss the girls being in and out of each others houses. I miss Friday nights.I am sharing this so that you know it's OK to cry. It's ok to say you miss her. It's ok to think "I'm going to run over to Nicole's" and then reality kicks in. It's ok. It's ok to grieve the loss.
The song I included in this blog has been used in the past years in many church gatherings for various things. It seems the most popular has become funerals but Michael W. Smith wrote that for a friend who was moving away. It seems appropriate for this situation because a friend is a friend forever
Friends - Michael W. Smith (click me)
Ouch...
ReplyDeleteMy relationship with Nicole started because of David. I joke about it but it's true! He brought me to her first to be introduced (well, and Chris too hahah) and she told him to be careful. That I had a lot of baggage, which of course is true. I found her to be strong willed and opinionated and not afraid to speak her mind. In the beginning, I wasn't even sure I would like this woman who was a dear friend of the man I was dating.
I admit, that in those beginning days, I was a pain in the neck. David and I had issues and I was a very immature 23 year old. I would spend hours on the phone with Nicole as she would counsel me on how things should be done. Half the time I never really "listened"
Over the years, as I grew and the girls were born I started to listen to her more. I paid more attention to how she raised her children, whom I love like they are my own. I wanted my girls to be like Ally. And to tell you the truth, I wanted to be like Nicole.
She was so self assured. She did things her own way. She was smart and had a lot of common sense. And I became dependent of her for more than I should have probably.
The best thing about out relationship though is that we had an honesty between us that most others didn't have. We had to. Our relationship never would have worked if we didn't.
There were even times when I became jealous of other friendships she had. And then I learned that no matter how many friends she has, she will always love me.
This last year has been difficult for us. We started to separate. My heart kept telling me, that I needed to learn to stand on my own. I know that I hurt Colie by doing that. But I also know, it needed to be done. I "KNEW" this move was coming, I just didn't know when. I believe now that it was God's way of making this separation easier on both of us. HE knew that if I didn't learn this, that I wouldn't be able to get on with things when they left.
There are days when I miss being dependent on Nicole for everything. It was so much easier to have her make decisions for me. To tell me what was right or wrong.
Do I wish she was still here, yes I do. With all my heart. Do I miss her terribly, Yes I do. Do I believe in my heart that she is where she NEEDS to be? Yes, I believe that too. I believe that God has great things in store for her and her family and while it hurts that she is so far away, I truly believe that this is going to be a wonderful adventure for her and her family. Because of that, I am happy for them :)
Colie and I aren't just friends, we are family. That will never change. I will always be there no matter how far apart we are.