This is How I Feel
I have had such an extreme outpouring of love and support in the three months since Joe died that I could never thank you enough. I love it when you talk about Joe. I need to know that you miss him too. He was a very "large" presence and his loss is even bigger. I am a Christian and I do believe in Heaven and I know that Joe is in a much better place and that he is free from all pain and disease. I also know that I will see him again and this faith keeps me going forward. I've had many people say to me "I can't imagine how you feel". No, you can't, but I will try to describe it using words which are just words - not feelings - so it's still no where close to the real emotion. I feel that I can never fully catch my breath. I am always anticipating, waiting, anxious. My heart feel like it's beating a thousand beats a minute. My heart aches - physically aches. It's not a pain but more like a very bad bruise. It rarely stops. M