I Raise My Glass

TOAST:  A ritual in which a drink is taken as an expression of honor or goodwill.

Twenty-One years ago today my world changed in a way that I never thought it could.  I was handed this beautiful living creature with a "there ya go" from the nurse.  All of a sudden I was responsible for the feeding, care and education of this tiny life that was totally unable to take care of itself.  How in the world would I ever be able to do this?  I can't even keep a house plant alive more than a week.  What did I get myself into?  We learned together how to do this living thing.  I did the very best that I knew how along with her father to make sure we didn't totally screw up this huge responsibility and you know what - we did a pretty good job.   I think I learned more than I taught and I definitely grew as a person from the lessons we learned together.  On this, her 21st birthday I want to lift my virtual glass to my first born in her honor for the lessons I learned.

I lift my glass in your honor for all the times you stepped up during the past 10 years and become the adult when the adults of the house were too busy fighting cancer.  For all the dish washer loads you did after we went to bed and for all the meals you helped prepare and for all of the times you took the lead when your parents were too tired and too scared, I honor you.

I lift my glass in your honor for all the times we would be traveling (usually in a foreign country and we would say "Kaitlin, go ask that strange person where the (fill in the blank) is".  For all the times we sacrificed you because we didn't want to look like stupid Americans, I honor you.

I lift my glass in honor for all the times I would volunteer you without asking first.  I DID learn my lesson on that one and started saying "Let me check with Kaitlin".  For all the times I begged you to go to a class or a training session with me because I didn't want to go somewhere I didn't know anyone, I honor you.

I lift my glass in honor for all the times I've seen you hug a child and share your experiences in growing up to make them feel less awkward and  clumsy.  For the times that I've seen you struggle with the unfairness toward a child whose had a vacant parent or even worse, a parent who didn't love them, I honor you.

I lift my glass in honor for all the times your struggles with depression left you hurting, lonely and lost because your friends left you one by one because they didn't understand or care.  For the times I've seen you reach out to a new person to become friends and knowing the whole while you were way beyond your comfort zone, I honor you.

I lift my glass in honor for all the times you taught me that I cannot control someone else's actions and I was only hurting myself expecting them to change.  For the times you saw me hurt, angered and frustrated expecting grownups to act like grownups and would gently remind me that I needed to stop expecting anything else, I honor you.

And last, but definitely not least;

I lift my glass in honor of your company for the past 21 years.  For the times that you and I didn't agree but we still loved each other.  For the time that we knew exactly what the other was going to say before it was said because, let's face it, we are pretty much alike.  You had no voice in being brought into this world but you know there is no where else you could possible be more at home.  For being  just as crazy as the rest of us, I honor you.

Kaitlin, I lift my glass to you for being my best friend.  I enjoy so much being your mother and I love you with a love that only mothers can know but I also love being your friend.  You have held me when I cried and my heart was breaking.  You helped me when I was unable to face yet another day and I could not find a reason for living.  We have laughed so much the past 21 years, most of the time over silly things.  I cannot imagine my life at all without you and your siblings nor do I ever want to.  For the times that you've taught me how awesome my family is, I honor you.