Happy Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day.  I have been blessed in my life with many mothers, especially the one who birthed me and the one who raised me.  My parents divorced shortly after I was born. Due to being way too young  to be a parent and the inequalities of the court system, I was adopted by my father's parents - my
grandparents.  While I always knew who my "birth parents" were, and in later years build  an incredible relationship with both of them,  my Mom and Dad were the couple, that in their 40s, took on the responsibility of raising a baby.  I have no doubt  that they loved me and gave me everything humanly possible to make my childhood the best they could.

Unfortunately, my father died when I was  a freshman in high school from cancer.  Yes, my experience with cancer goes way back.  My mother was a good woman that, while being heavy on the over protective side, did everything in her power to make sure that I grew up knowing how to be responsible, respectable and compassionate.  She was not a  highly educated women, attending high school just one year, but she was so wise beyond her lack of degree.  She passed on comments of wisdom and her experiences in my growing up hoping that I would learn from her mistakes.  I rebelled as most teenagers did she always tried to explain why my decisions may not be the best ones for my future.  I find myself even today drawing from those conversations when I just don't know what to do.

As years went on my mom started exhibiting signs of dementia and had to be put into a care center.   Most of the time she was unaware of most anything, especially who anyone was.  I remember a night after she was placed in the center lying on the floor and grieving with great sobs and tears at my loss.  My mother was gone and she would never be the person she was while I was growing up.  I would call her and she would talk about her day and what she had to eat without having a clue who she was talking to.

After I had my first child I visited her on a trip to Ohio, as I always did.  She was informed that her daughter was here to visit her.  She responded with "I only have one daughter and that's Kathy".  They told her that was who it was.  I sat by her on the couch and placed my 2 month old daughter in her arms.  She hugged the baby up close to her heart and called herself grandma.  Those moments are so special to me and I know that in those precious minutes she knew.  She knew who I was, she knew who Kaitlin was.  She knew I needed those last thoughts of her and showing me love as she had done all my life.  It was truly a mother's gift.  Six weeks later she left us. I remember her talking about when her mother died almost passing out at her funeral from the sadness.  I couldn't understand what she meant until the day of her funeral.  That was the most painful  feeling I had ever had, up to that point in time.  I wanted to run, scream, cry and be anywhere other than where I was.

Twenty four years later I still miss her.  I even find myself thinking of calling her to share some funny story, sad story, cooking questions (many times I wish I had paid more attention to some of the incredible meals she prepared) or share something about my girls.  I am thankful for the years I had her as my mother and for the patient, loving and strict way she raised me.  I hope that I did half the job with my girls that she did with me.  Happy Mother's Day in Heaven Mom.

#mothersday #adoption #grandparentsadopting #motherslove