My Rambling Thoughts

  May Not the month. Just my reflective thoughts at three in the morning. During this season of my life, I found myself saying, “I can’t do one more thing.” Not out loud necessarily, but in my head. Sometimes several times a day. I didn’t think I could do one more Monday. I didn’t think I could set that alarm one more time, get dressed, put on a smile, and head off to work pretending that everything was perfectly fine. But then Monday came and somehow I did. I got up, got ready, grabbed my coffee, and headed out the door because people were counting on me and life didn’t really care if I was tired. I didn’t think I could spend one more day worrying about the people I loved. My daughter had surgery on her feet. It was outpatient surgery and everyone assured me it would be fine, but if you’re a wife or a mother, you know those words don’t always quiet the thoughts in your head. You still worry. You still wonder. You still imagine every possible outcome and then try to convince yourse...

In 2013, we took an extended tour of Western Europe and Hungary. One of the places we visited was the Dachau concentration camp—located not on the outskirts of civilization, not hidden deep in the woods, but in the very center of town. The same center of town it occupied in the 1930s. The homes, the streets, the daily routines—largely unchanged. The biggest difference today is the absence of the busy rail lines that once brought human beings into what was described as a “work camp.” When local citizens questioned what was happening there, they were told it was for protection. That the Jews, the Gypsies, the mentally ill were being kept safe. That they were learning skills, contributing to society. That this was the best option for them. The explanation was accepted. No one asked again. That may be the most disturbing part of Dachau—not just what happened inside the camp, but how ordinary life continued all around it. Trains came and went. Smoke rose. Bureaucracy functioned....

  10 years ago, today, the Keresty Family was finishing their incredible 3-week European vacation.  Even with  experiencing record lows and unheard-of snow accumulation it had been a trip beyond description.  We were ready to come home and driving toward Paris to catch a flight in 2 days.  Zipping along in the rental Audi (for those of you who read my posts, that Audi word is important) and singing The Yodeling Veterinarian of the Alps Song by VeggieTales.  How could you NOT be singing that – I mean – the Alps are RIGHT THERE!  We were about an hour away from our stop for the night, Belfort, France when there was a POP and immediately Kaitlin said I smell smoke.  I pulled over as soon as I could and sure enough, blown out tire.  I need to mention here that when we were planning this trip, Joe and I agreed to divide the driving since we did 7 countries in 3 weeks and while countries are like states here, that is a bit of driving.  Howev...

       “Can I have a puppy?” This became the mantra of our 6-year-old daughter for the next 4 years. We bought her an entire set of stuffed black Labradors (all named Blackie) that ranged in size from “it fits in my hand” to “there is no room for me in the bed.” “Can I have a puppy?” We bought her a  computerized dog that followed her everywhere and barked at the appropriate dog barking times. “Can I have a puppy?”      When she was 8 she doggie sat for a friend’s cocker spaniel named Harry and did her best to show us that she could walk him and feed him and clean up after him. Still, no giving in to the daily “Can I have a puppy? As she was nearing her 10th birthday Kaitlin decided to adopt the lizards living in our back-yard block wall. She named them and did her best to feed them potato chips. “Can I have a puppy?”        A writing assignment was given at school to all the students to form a persuasive paragraph. Kaitlin us...

  I've known  since I was 8 years old that I would someday die from either a heart attack or a stroke.  Almost everyone on both sides of my parents' families have died from a heart issue or a stroke.  Even at that young age, I didn't need an explanation. In spite of  this theory and my growing annoyance by my Apple Watch shouting "Your heart has shown signs of an irregular rhythm suggestive of atrial fibrillation" I was still shocked when at my last cardiologist appointment, the doctor walked in and said "you are in afib".  My appointment six months prior had ended so wonderful - blood pressure lower than it's been in years, weight going down and just feeling great so I was not expecting that diagnosis at all.  Atrial Fibrillation -  The heart's upper chambers (atria) beat out of coordination with the lower chambers.  During a normal heartbeat, the upper chambers (atria) and lower chambers (ventricles) of the heart work together to pum...

When I was a newborn, I ended up with a pillow over my face.  It required a visit to the hospital where I was pronounced dead but a persistent doctor continued to work on me and, thankfully, I took that breathe that allowed me to live.  I was 10 days old when this happened and I am still traumatized by anything over my face.  I realize that at 10 days I had no concept of what was happening to me or even any memory but my subconscious knows.  Sixty some years later, that haunt is still very active.  I have tried many times over the years to test this but every time I become panicked and remove whatever I was experimenting with.  Blankets, pillows, sheet, you name it - it totally freaks me out.  I have trouble concentrating, breathing and fighting off the overwhelming need to free myself. The first time I went out during this pandemic was over 2 months after I started working from home and I wore a mask.  Did I feel anxious - oh yeah.  T...