My Rambling Thoughts

I hear the ER doctor say the words "metastasized mass" and something  I never wanted to hear again is spoken. I stand outside room 487 and pause for a few seconds as I see the layout of a room that I never wanted to set foot in again. I walk down a long long hallway with my feet feeling like magnets stuck to metal to a place I never wanted to walk to again. My heart breaks for my husband as he prepares to endure pain that no one should ever have to feel. I am reminded of the year markers that we waited to pass so the we were "disease free".  One year, two years, three years (that's the special one that most throat cancers come back by), four years, five years.  Five years that's the biggie - that's CANCER FREE.  How wonderful it felt to reach that mark and begin our now cancer free walk into the sixth year.  Now we sit here today and wait until 2:15 when the doctor will tell us words that we don't want to hear - but already know. We sit in an

"Where death angels never call.  Where no tears will never fall.  That's the place my soul is longing for".   Yesterday our friends and family said good bye to  a true saint of God.  What started out to be a celebration of Mary Joe Zenor's life turned out to be that and so much more.  It is no secret to anyone who reads my blogs that 3 years ago our family went through one of the hardest things we've ever done when we left the church we had attended for over ten years.  We want through the phases....hurt....anger..... sadness......loss.....more hurt.  We have gotten through it and moved on-for the most part. Memories.  Memories can be wonderful things but they can also be very painful  especially when you are forced to come face to face or rather head to heart with feelings you've pushed down. Yesterday I watched the anguish and sadness on Kaitlin's face when we entered into our old church with our best friends the Eckerts and were reunited with

Did you know: Depressive disorders affect approximately 18.8 million American adults or about 9.5% of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year. This includes major depressive disorder, dysthymic disorder, and bipolar disorder. Everyone, will at some time in their life be affected by depression -- their own or someone else's. Pre-schoolers are the fastest-growing market for antidepressants. At least four percent of preschoolers -- over a million -- are clinically depressed. The rate of increase of depression among children is an astounding 23% 15% of the population of most developed countries suffers severe depression. 30% of women are depressed. Men's figures were previously thought to be half that of women, but new estimates are higher 54% of people believe depression is a personal weakness. 41% of depressed women are too embarrassed to seek help.  80% of depressed pe