The Place My Soul is Longing For

"Where death angels never call.  Where no tears will never fall.  That's the place my soul is longing for".  

Yesterday our friends and family said good bye to  a true saint of God.  What started out to be a celebration of Mary Joe Zenor's life turned out to be that and so much more.  It is no secret to anyone who reads my blogs that 3 years ago our family went through one of the hardest things we've ever done when we left the church we had attended for over ten years.  We want through the phases....hurt....anger.....sadness......loss.....more hurt.  We have gotten through it and moved on-for the most part.

Memories.  Memories can be wonderful things but they can also be very painful  especially when you are forced to come face to face or rather head to heart with feelings you've pushed down.

Yesterday I watched the anguish and sadness on Kaitlin's face when we entered into our old church with our best friends the Eckerts and were reunited with people we used to worship beside every Sunday.  You can not be part of any organization or group for over 10 years without remembering  ~ this is where  we used to sit with Georgia. This is where Julie fell into the drums and cut a gash in her forehead that required a trip to the emergency room with the other, actually the first, Mary Jo Godwin.  This is the aisle where my children walked to the altar to accept Jesus into their hearts.  This is the baptistery when not only did all three of our girls show publicly their desire to become part of the body of Christ but where my husband, son in law David and Aaron Chicoine stood in their portrayal of Pharisees taunting John the Baptist with "who are you man".   This is where the choir used to stand and Lori and I stood side by side watching David direct us.  This is the pew where our family sat at what we thought would be our last time when we shared with our church family the horrible news that the doctor had said Joe would be dead by the end of the month.  This is where we stood at the altar 6 months later in prayers of thanksgiving with our church family at the news that Joe was disease free.

We watched as our former minister of music stood with our former  pastor and officiated the memorial service.  We were surrounded by fri ends we haven't seen for a long time.  Several of Kaitlin's and Julie's Sunday School teachers and babysitters were there offering hugs, lots and lots of hugs.  Lori and I were standing side by side singing "Blessed Assurance.  Jesus is Mine." Everything was perfect.  No, not even close.  Between the 10 Eckeresty family members I think there was only one not crying and that's because he wasn't sitting with us.  As sad as we were at the loss of Mary Joe and at the pain that Bob had to be suffering at the loss of his second wife and service at the same church the tears were all our own emotions at that given time.  Kaitlin and Mary left because they just couldn't stay any longer.  Their hearts hurt too much.  My heart breaks at the pain and anger Kaitlin feels.  I can't fix it.  I know the struggles Mary is going through with growing up pains.  My husband cries because of his love for Bob and the pain he knows he feels and he knows how I struggle with the loss of my daily interaction with Lori.  The other kids cried because they can't stand to see me or Lori cry.  

I tried to convince the girls that yesterday was a gift from God.   We were part of Old Corona (that's what we call the church when Byron was Pastor and David was Minister of Music and everything was good).  Everything was as it should be.  They both  said that nothing that hurt as much as they did could never be a gift from God or anyone else.   I'm actually at a loss.  I don't know what to say and most importantly, I can't fix it.  I turn it over to God and ask for wisdom to know how to help my family mourn the loss.  To fix  broken hearts.  To heal the hurts.  "Where no sorrows ever told.  Where no body will go old.  Where the pains of the heart are no more."

.....song quotes from "That's the Place My Soul is Longing For" by The Collingsworth Family