My Rambling Thoughts

  I've known  since I was 8 years old that I would someday die from either a heart attack or a stroke.  Almost everyone on both sides of my parents' families have died from a heart issue or a stroke.  Even at that young age, I didn't need an explanation. In spite of  this theory and my growing annoyance by my Apple Watch shouting "Your heart has shown signs of an irregular rhythm suggestive of atrial fibrillation" I was still shocked when at my last cardiologist appointment, the doctor walked in and said "you are in afib".  My appointment six months prior had ended so wonderful - blood pressure lower than it's been in years, weight going down and just feeling great so I was not expecting that diagnosis at all.  Atrial Fibrillation -  The heart's upper chambers (atria) beat out of coordination with the lower chambers.  During a normal heartbeat, the upper chambers (atria) and lower chambers (ventricles) of the heart work together to pum...

When I was a newborn, I ended up with a pillow over my face.  It required a visit to the hospital where I was pronounced dead but a persistent doctor continued to work on me and, thankfully, I took that breathe that allowed me to live.  I was 10 days old when this happened and I am still traumatized by anything over my face.  I realize that at 10 days I had no concept of what was happening to me or even any memory but my subconscious knows.  Sixty some years later, that haunt is still very active.  I have tried many times over the years to test this but every time I become panicked and remove whatever I was experimenting with.  Blankets, pillows, sheet, you name it - it totally freaks me out.  I have trouble concentrating, breathing and fighting off the overwhelming need to free myself. The first time I went out during this pandemic was over 2 months after I started working from home and I wore a mask.  Did I feel anxious - oh yeah.  T...

Today is Mother's Day.  I have been blessed in my life with many mothers, especially the one who birthed me and the one who raised me.  My parents divorced shortly after I was born. Due to being way too young  to be a parent and the inequalities of the court system, I was adopted by my father's parents - my grandparents.  While I always knew who my "birth parents" were, and in later years build  an incredible relationship with both of them,  my Mom and Dad were the couple, that in their 40s, took on the responsibility of raising a baby.  I have no doubt  that they loved me and gave me everything humanly possible to make my childhood the best they could. Unfortunately, my father died when I was  a freshman in high school from cancer.  Yes, my experience with cancer goes way back.  My mother was a good woman that, while being heavy on the over protective side, did everything in her power to make sure that I grew up knowing how to b...

When I was in high school I was accused by one of the school administrators of doing something that I did not do and the punishment was before school detention.  No matter how much I argued my innocence he would not budge HOWEVER - he did offer me an alternative to the detention.  How to put this - he told me that if I would sexually satisfy him he would ignore the (non)infraction.  I replied that I would just take the punishment which amounted to sitting in HIS office for 45 minutes before school started.  I don't know if it was entered into my school record or not - I never heard anything more about it.  I served my time and never encountered him again. Years later on Facebook on a group page someone mentioned this person abusing them in high school  The amount of comments of "me too" that followed was overwhelming.  More and more information came out about this person and the faculty that helped him by standing guard while he took girls...

In 1997 my doorbell rang and when I opened the door, my world changed.  An older couple had moved into a house on our street and they were walking around meeting the neighbors.  They told us that they moved into a new home area because they wanted to be around young people with families. I invited them in and within minutes I knew they were an answer to prayer. My grandmother/mother had passed away the year before and I was missing that relationship.  One of the first things Georgia (that was her name) did was invite us to church.  We were already attending a church but we were looking for something else so we went with them one Sunday and instantly knew this was where we belonged BUT that's another story.  Georgia's husband, Bob, was just as genuine and loving as she and they quickly become part of our family.  We had meals together, we did family outings together, they became my girls grandparents.  For the next 4 years we were family. I rememb...

My Rambling Thoughts: The Greatest Gift : I have received the greatest gift.  At least the greatest gift according the Hubert H. Humphrey.  I believe that friends presence comes an...

I have received the greatest gift.  At least the greatest gift according the Hubert H. Humphrey.  I believe that friends presence comes and goes in your life but that friendship stays forever.  I have friends that I don't see for several years and we pick up right where we left off.  I have friends that I haven't seen or talked to for a long time and I really, really miss them.