The Final Chapter

This chapter in the Story of Cancer for Joe Keresty is no doubt the hardest to write. Not because of the end - but because, if I were honest, I knew it was coming for several months but I refused to accept it. After Joe had the severe reactions to the Cisplatin part of his chemo cocktail as far back as April the changes were there. He was a little more tired. He was loosing a pound here and there. He wasn't eating. He coughed - a lot. He was much more out of breath. The cancer was winning but we chose to see this all as side affects from the chemotherapy. AND - they very could have been but as they say "hindsight is 20/20. Joe very rarely let anyone see him down or hear him say how tired he was. He never complained. He did wait until we were alone at night in the quietness and privacy of our bedroom. The he would tell me how tired he was. How his chest hurt so badly when he coughed. How he was ready for this to be over and done with. But he still never complained. He never EVER asked "why". He never was angry at God or anyone else. 

In April we remodeled our kitchen and Joe did almost all of the work. I was in Florida

a big part of that month with my mother who was recovering from a major heart attack so he was alone without me making him stop. I have often wondered if he knew. He knew he had to get it done because he didn't have a long time to work on it. He knew soon he wouldn't be able to do the physical work. We went through the summer with all the life activity swirling around us. Waking up and living one day at a time. Joe tearing apart the pool pump and filter ONE MORE TIME because he didn't want to have it replaced. Joe trimming the shrubs and bushes. Joe going to chemo every Thursday. 

The beginning of August the changes were very obvious. Joe slept a lot. One Saturday we attended a Relay for Life golf function - showed up and talked for an hour or so -

didn't golf. We came home and Joe took a nap and that evening we went to a birthday dinner for a dear friend. The next day Joe slept 18 hours. I had to wake him up to go to bed. He hardly ate anything. I believe one week to the next at the doctors he lost 7 pounds. He would walk up the stairs and have to lean on the rail at the top for 3 or 4 minutes and gasp for breath. He would cough and cough and cough. He was on so many different cough medicines and yet nothing seemed to help.

On August 14 we arrive at Ironwood for Joe's chemo session just like we have so many weeks. The nurse listened to Joe's lungs and was concerned at the coughing and his increased heart rate and they decided to put off treatment for that week. She wrote the orders to get x-rays as soon as possible because she suspected pneumonia. Off we go to get the x-rays and as feared, the right lung is full of infection. Because we didn't want to go to the hospital they agreed to antibiotics and oxygen at home. By Sunday Joe was in actual pain in his lung area and was having great difficulty breathing so as much as we didn't want to go to the hospital in August, off we went to ER. The waiting area was full and overflowing but we went right to a room in telemetry.

Monday was test after test after test and a very high flow oxygen tube. IV drugs or as the doctors said - the big guns. He was on 3 high level antibiotics plus a drug for valley fever in case that was what the culprit was. Even with the high levels of oxygen (40%) his blood oxygen levels are still hovering in the high 80s area. 

Tuesday when I arrived at the hospital they had put him on a bi-pap machine. How best to describe this - remember when you were a kid and you would stand in front of a fan and try to breath the air in? Imagine that force of "wind" and your wearing a mask over your nose and mouth. It FORCES the air into your lungs. Still Joe is saying to us that he can't breath. He needs more air. Blood oxygen levels are dropping in the low 80s and 70s. At dinner time Joe decided that he wanted to try and eat. They removed the bi-pap machine but before he can eat he starts coughing. While he is coughing and off of air his pulse ox drops to 46. Immediately it is decided that Joe needs to be moved to ICU for more intensive care and monitoring.

After moving to the ICU we met with the hospital cardiologist who shared the results of the echo cardiogram Joe had yesterday. The results showed that the right chamber of his heart has failed. That is why his heart rate has been so high - it is trying hard to keep up with the left side. Also the X-rays of Joe's remaining lung showed it is totally compromised and with that condition and the heart failure - he was intubated to try to get the lung clearer but his condition is classified as critical. Because Joe is in a weakened state from the chemo the situation is much worse. In a normal healthy body, there could be recovery but with the damage to his body from all of the chemo recovery is less than 10%. The current plan is to have him sedated and intubated and if he is brought out of sedation he will be kept comfortable on medications. They waited until the local kids got to the hospital to say what they needed to say but from here out, it is day to day.

I remember going home that night around midnight with the realization that my husband was going to die. He has pulled through so many times and surprised even his doctors but I knew. I knew he was ready. I knew he was tired. I knew it was time. Kaitlin heard me crying and held me for I don't know how long while I sobbed and wondered how I was going to live without him. Julie went to school every day during that week. Every day I would leave the hospital and pick her up. Every day she would have an idea of what we could do so that her father could get well. Every day I would have to break her heart again by telling her that it was too late. Every day I hated cancer more.

Wednesday and Thursday were limbo days. Joe could communicate by writing and he would get so frustrated with us because we couldn't read what he wrote. If you ever saw his hand writing you would not be surprised at that but lying flat with a mask covering his nose and mouth made it even more difficult. As the hours ticked by and his writing and communicating became more labored I realized that his brain was slowly fading. The lack of oxygen was taking it's tole.

Each day I left not knowing if he would make it through the night.  Looking back at this time on each day Monday - Thursday Joe was visited by a different minister who had been important in Joe's life as well as our families.  It's awesome when you sit back and realize that God is always in control but sometimes even He shows off.  He knows when to bring out the blessings that will last a lifetime.  Charles, our son who lived in Alaska flew down to see his father and we all finally got the answer to the question every child asks "who is your favorite".

Friday when I walked in the door, I knew. Joe was not getting any better and during the night he suffered a minor stroke. The doctors finally admitted that the pneumonia was not reducing and would not. With all of the children around him (except for one) his breathing tube was removed around 3:30. He told each of us good bye. He kissed me, one last time. He spoke volumes of words with his eyes. He was in control of his body until the end. He (and God) chose when it was time. He breathed his last breath at 5:13. He did not suffer - he did not struggle - he did not fight death. His nurse told us that before she removed his tube she asked him if he wanted the tube out - he indicated yes. She asked him if they removed it and he could not breathe, did he want it back in - he indicated no. She asked him if he was ready to go and he took her hand and placed it on his heart and indicated yes. She told us he had such a peaceful look about his face that she knew we were doing the right thing.

Joe fought this horrible disease. He had things done to his body that are not for the faint of heart. He has been poked and probed and burnt and poisoned because he was not going to let this monster win. For someone who used to pass out when his kids would get a shot or have blood drawn - his actions to take control back of his body are nothing short of heroic. I admire him for all he has done. I admire him for the most awesome father and husband that he was. I admire him for being a friend to so many people. I admire him for his unwavering faith in spite of facing this killer head on not once, not twice but FOUR times. He is and will forever be my hero!

Here are some links if you want to walk down memory lane and maybe laugh a little and maybe cry a little but definitely remember the life that Joe lived.  He lived large and he lived loud and he was loved.

Memory Web Page

Joe Keresty - Memorial Service

Joe Keresty - Picture Slide Show for Memorial

Joe Keresty & Relay for Life